I joined a writing competition and failed badly
Here’s what I’ve learnt and what I wrote
I started writing on Medium sometime last year; it wasn’t anything I am doing professionally rather I do it because I find writing enjoyable and it helps me to think clearly.
During one of my morning jog, I came across an OOH bus advertisement calling for poetry submissions. Gladly, I took it as a chance to catch my breath and to find out more about the writing competition. I recorded a voice memo onto my Apple Watch and I immediately head home to get cracking on it.
It surprised me to find out how this writing competition has been happening biennially since 2003 but it was the first time I had ever heard of it. The rules of the competition were simple enough — write 5 poems, pay $16 for the admission fee and you are on.
It took me a while to come up with inspirations to write. As the submission deadline draws near, I was barely finishing up my first poem but I know I had to finish this. Somehow I know that deep down I had this confidence (this will not end well for me) and believe that I will eventually get around to producing five poems.
And I did.
Bursting with enthusiasm I sent all five of my poems and also the required $16. I went into the competition thinking that I could at least win something (did I mention this dangerous confidence that I have?), even a consolation prize would be good enough for me.
And no surprise from my title — I did not win anything, not even a consolation. My participation probably made the selection of the winner an easier task. I was butt-hurt. After all, I did pour my heart and soul into it, carved out time to think, write and edit and paid $16 to submit my work. However, I am determined to turn this painful experience into a learning journey.
3 things I learnt from this experience
1. Let’s get real. Failing wasn’t all that bad
It really wasn’t. Other than my ego being slightly bruised and being $16 poorer. I enjoyed the entire process of going through the ideation to execution of each poetry. Through the process, the consolation that I had was that I learnt that I really could achieve what I set my heart out to do. I just have to put in the work. Sometimes you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it, it is over. The work is completed.
2. The failure hurts because I associate a negative emotion with it
Failure = Bad. Success = Good. Painfully etched in my mind since growing up so I am still finding it difficult to unlearn and embrace failure. Why was my ego bruised from not being selected for any prizes? It was because I attached my ego to “winning” and “losing”. And what if I detached any emotions away from “failure”? Then the poetry competition is just an event that happened and failing is simply an outcome. An outcome that does not have to be ascertained to be good or bad. It simply exists.
3. (Some) roads to success are paved with failure
The original quotes used “All” and to me, that is simply not the case at all(read: bullshit). We don’t have to fail all the time in order to succeed. I am sure that sometimes at the first get-go it is a winning streak all the way till the very end. The point is not about having “failure” as a checklist to get to “success”. Another way to put this is that, if failure is within your locus of control — you should do everything you can to avoid it. If failing is not something you can control, then let go of the outcome. Focus on the journey and the rest will take care of itself.
The competition is long over, and I thought of sharing the poetry submitted and discussing some thoughts behind each of them.
contagion
it took us by our breaths
how would we have known it could bring us death
hopeless in despair
we watched as some grasped for air
broken families, broken lives
we could only watch from the sidelines
retreat! retreat! retreat!
we put up our best fight,
casualties even before we raise our guard
numbers, who do they speak of?
buried under tears
onwards we go
with science giving us hope
a reset to life; how was life before this?
Author’s thoughts: This was the first poem that I thought of to write about while we co-exist with the perennial pandemic. The exhaustion through this ordeal is summarised into a few sentences here.
being second best
I have been cursed with a spell
of never being the one
to be at the very front
always a step behind the spotlight
is where you’ll find me
I put in my best
but I could only join the rest
in congratulating with the ache in my chest
I try to see the good
Look at those who stood
supporting through my childhood
Thankful I am
But still,
I have been cursed
With never being the first
Author’s thoughts: This hits me right in my gut. Be it academics or sports, I would make sure that I get to be at the podium but I am always a step away from being first. Doesn’t help my ordeal when I'm told that being second is the first loser.
the power of a woman’s hand
the delicate skin
enveloped a powerful touch
it holds the world
and yet does not control it
the lines that run through the paths
spoke of secrets and pain
an embrace that falls like rain
soothes a parched desert
the reach goes far and deep
the sun that radiates warmth
a path through the darkness
the snow that rests where it falls
Author’s thoughts: I’ve always thought about how powerful and yet soothing my mother’s hand is.
how to?
how to be happy?
you first have to accept sadness
how to be successful?
you first have to fail
how to win in life?
you first have to get out and live
how to change the world?
you first have to change yourself
how to fall in love?
you first have to love yourself
how to win the lottery?
you first have to buy a ticket
to achieve anything
you first
have to act
Author’s thoughts: this comes from my personal philosophy of always pushing myself forward and putting myself out there. I believe that life is too short to live in the shadows of others.
Colours
Stack it up three by three
Twist and turn
It becomes a formation
They riddle me
In their terms
It is the unscrambling
That I find
An answer
To the twisted game of life
Author’s thoughts: this is completely random. I think this was me trying to make the requirements of five poems qualify for the submission. I wrote this while staring at the Rubik’s cube on my desk.
In a world where we see complexities as superiority, I find comfort in simple writing. All these five poems came from inspiration through my daily life, nothing fancy just regular observation and life experiences. Some of my experiences are good, some are gloom. What I find incredible is the human strength in seeing light when there is darkness.
I hope my poems, while they didn’t win anything from the competition could inspire people to find strength in adversity or simply enjoyed the writings.
If you would like to speak more about writings and muse over life, I can be reached at jieying.chu@gmail.com
